An Update on My Life

Dear Family, Friends, and People I don't talk to very much,

I am frequently texted or messaged, asking how my life is going and why I have not e-mailed or called back and why I seem to only answer text messages...which apparently don't do a good enough job of informing you about my life. The answer to this question is very simple---I have no life. So, With a few minutes to spare before leaving for a job interview, I hope to give you this update so you no longer feel as though I have forgotten you (believe me, I have not!)

I am currently in my 4th semester at CFNI, so my graduation is impending...only a few 4 or 5 weeks away. This messes with my "S" personality a bit (and you will probably only get that if you have attended cfni) Change isn't one of my favorite things, but Lord knows I have had enough to get used to it. I still have one year left after this year, and will be enrolled in CFNI's School of Worship and Techinical Arts. Yay for me.

This summer, I am going to Asia on an outreach! And to sum up my feelings about that, would be to say that my heart is already there and doesn't want to come back, lol. God has been so faithful. I will be in Thailand, Laos, Malaysia and possibly Indonesia. My expectation of all that God is going to do is nearly bursting within me. I cannot wait!

I am currently a youth worship leader at a church here called Hillcrest Baptist Church(check out www.hillcreststudents.com, and don't mind the awful pictures of me in my biography that still has to be edited, lol) I also do a lot of graphic stuff, and get to use my artsy side (which I love.) I love being apart of this church and get to work with awesome people, and I am perfectly smitten with all of the teenagers (funny, I can say that now because I'm not one anymore, lol)

Besides working part time at the church, I nanny on the side whenever I have the time and the jobs are available. It works out really well. I have an interview at a golf club this afternoon though, so be praying I get it. I can definitely use the money and the job this summer.

Oh, and as far as this summer goes, I will be staying in Texas in Cedar Hill. I don't get home from Asia till about June 16th and so going back to Michigan would be silly. And my heart and new home is definitely here. So, Michiganders I will see you at Christmas!

To tell you of all God has been doing would make this a book, so I will just say this. God is good. all the time. He continues to stretch me, correct me, and love on me through it all. If you are really curious, lets go out for coffee and talk....fills my love tank;)

I have absolutely amazing friends here, I am blessed beyond measure. My love for people deepens each semester and I can't imagine a life without the people i have come closest too. They are the delight of my life.

Though I will give a shout out to my family, my mentors KMelt and Tannis, my besties back home...Not a day goes by that I don't talk about you. You have all left your fingerprint on my heart, and everything you have taught me, shared with me, continues on everyday. You are incredible.

That's the jist of my life! Gotta get ready for my interview!
But I love you!

Naomi, Nae, YWam, Sha-Nae-Nae, and any other nickname i have forgotten. ;)

Growing Up.

I have no idea how to describe what I am feeling.

It's this overwhelming sadness of moving beyond my endless imaginations, to watching life and love play out in all of its complexities...

You would think that I would be happy, after years of dreaming and analyzing and hoping....years filled with laughter and wistful sighs. But at this point in time I cannot seem to move past this ache, as those years fade into memories of long ago, and I gaze into the unknown...unsure of my footing and the security that comes with youth.

The tears are there though....as I try to convince myself that I haven't lost anything...and won't...yeah, my heart doesn't believe that just yet.

Change is hard.

The Secret of My Heart

To You,

As days go by, my thoughts drift to you more often and I find myself smiling subtly…trying so hard to guard the secret of my heart. The secret, being You. Day dreams are rampant in my oh so imaginative mind, and they constantly fight with reality of the lack of security I have in them ever coming to pass….yet, still I dream.

If only you knew the intensity of my affection…imperfect but devoted. Yes, much to my dismay…. Oh, not dismay as in disappointed, for you are more than suitable for my affections…yet I cannot see through your eyes, and know not whether one day I will wave good bye shedding tears in my heart or find that you share in mutual longings…yes, I have fallen in love.

No, it wasn’t love at first sight…or even love at second glance…but love over time.

And Love is patient, and kind. Love is never jealous, boastful, or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.

No matter the outcome, my love will not demand its own way … it will rejoice with you, and cry with you, the secret of my heart. Know, that my motives are pure and not self-seeking…and were an unexpected surprise…yet, such a delight.

With sincerest Love,
Naomi

For Love Beckons Me

For Love Beckons Me
Naomi Slagh©

I want You more than Life
I want You more than what’s before my eyes
I want You more.
I love you more than life
I love you more than the imperfect affections
That have consumed my heart

(Pre-Chorus)
For You are my pursuit
You are my Beloved
And I am Your bride

(Chorus)
So I lay down my life for the sake of the cross
All I’ve gained?
I count it as loss
All of my heart, I give it to thee
For Love, For Love, For Love
For Love beckons me.

(Verse 2)
Such a sacrifice
You gave it all and willingly died
Love deemed it so
So I surrender my rights
For you have won my heart with perfect affection
And I’m forever yours

(Bridge)
For Love Draws Me
It calls me in
It paid the price for all my sin
And For all the times I’ve turned my gaze
I’m declaring now, Love owns my praise

Food.

Fact: I really love food.
Fact: But I love Jesus More.

Where do I begin? I could tell you stories and tales of how faithful, loving and just my God has been...but my words always fall short, never fully depicting how marvelous He is...

And I'm just at a place where i am hungry. Physically? Right now, YES. lol. But spiritually, there's nothing I want more than More of Him. I'm hungry all the time.

I feel pretty safe to write about this in here, because I'm pretty sure no one reads it, except Jess occasionally...but if you are, just be warned, I like to be transparent in these things.

I have observed so many people lately that just challenge me spiritually...I've been reading up a lot on worship (for the umpteenth time)...and the one thing that keeps just echoing in my brain is out of John Piper's "Desiring God"...he says,

"When feelings (or your affection) for God is dead. Worship is dead."

I don't really have time to explain all of everything leading up to that statement, just trust me, it was really good.

But as I've been meditating on a lot of things, I came to the conclusion that I do a lot out of duty, and not so much out of love...and then I wonder why I get distracted, or that breakthrough that I crave just isn't happening. And at times, I have grown familiar with the presence of God...

Oh, but He is SO big. He's so vast. And I have forgotten to be in Awe of my creator...

I look at how He provides for me, how his hand is on everything I do, and I say "Yep, that's my God for ya." I expect it, but I don't stand in awe that He does it for me....that's not good.

That was basically the ramblings of me sorting out my thoughts. I sooo long for His heart. I gotta fix somethings.

He still loves me. :)

Heaven Beckons Me.

Heaven beckons me....
One of my favorite lines.

I dream of heaven...I often find myself asking if I could just please go to heaven now. Sometimes it's because I've had a terrible day, and am being rather emo, but know that suicide is not the answer, lol. And other times I just long to crawl in Jesus's lap and just be with him...

I can just picture my mansion...there are so many rooms and from every window there is a connecting bridge to my friends houses(because you know they are all going to be my neighbors) Oh, and the bridge is over a chocolate river! OH yes. with strawberries along the banks of it. And I have a lush covered garden, with roses and ivy, and little hidden areas with hammocks and swings...and I dream of walking through it with Jesus...asking questions, laughing, doting on him...

Everything is so beautiful...I have a waterfall and river...and the river laughs and sings as it gurgles along...

I know that everything I dream of cannot even compare to what it will really be like...but heaven is always on my mind...it beckons me...

Does it beckon you? ;)

Love Letter

To You,

I’m crazy for you…Wholeheartedly, smitten…on the brink of dangerously, untimely affection. They say that eyes are the window to the soul, and that love is a battlefield. So in haste, I put on the shutters for fear love’s whirlwind might hit me suddenly…and now that it has, I have found my house in ruins and my eyes telling a story that betrays me…

But the fact is…I can’t get enough of you.

You are everything my mind dreamed of, yet your complexities are beyond fathoming…and I’m beguiled… hopelessly lost in eyes that betray only laughter and depth’s unknown. Yet..in the depths lie the greatest of treasures, and I will patiently seek them out. For you have bewitched me, body and soul…

But love’s whirlwind wreaks havoc on my heart that is encompassed in insecurities, unrequited love, and memories of heartache that don’t age over time…and I ask myself, “Is it safe to dream again…to feel again…to defy logic…and to risk?” As I ponder, the winds calm, and I temporarily forget the joy that I feel as you walk into a room…but only temporarily.

Because love defies logic, and takes risk…and I’m falling in love with you.

Love,
Naomi

Augh, the Suspense!

I hate suspense.

Seriously. When it comes to movies, take me to a comedy, a romance, a romantic comedy, an action movie, a western, even a gorey(sp?) nasty stuff movie(which by the way, I do not prefer)... basically... take me to anything but suspense.

The thing about suspense, though, is usually by the end of the movie I can't stop talking about how great it was...even though I watched the majority of it through my hands. But at the time, it was torture. I most likely entertained walking out, spouted off something about how it couldn't be of God, or covered my ears a least so I couldn't hear the creepy music indicating something else that could possibly make me scream. If you ever take me to one of these, just know, I will probably bury my head in your shoulder.

But where I was going with that is, that I can hardly take suspense in real life. Not knowing how something plays out is agony on my analytical brain. And so my reactions are generally like those in a movie....I either walk away, spout that it couldn't be of God or at the very least cover my ears so I can't hear the violins....

And then as you know, God challenges all of that constantly. I would say that I have grown leaps and bounds in this area too, but it doesn't mean that I like it...lol....

But it is a comfort to know that my life is in His hands. He knows the end of my story.

Oh, and He also knows that I will rant and rave about how good it was...even if I'm on pins and needles for the time.

LOVE to ya.

My Pursuit....

I want you more than life.
I want you more than what's before my eyes...
I want you more.
I love you more than life.
I love you more than these imperfect affections...
That have consumed my heart.

God's really been dealing with me on love.

A couple of months ago, I had talked to my mentor about how easily I get distracted during worship. If you know me, I'm pretty chill, but worship would start and it was like my mind went super A.D.D...and she told me that she had dealt with something similar in a church that she and her family went to. She said that she found that she and her sisters would talk all throughout the service...and then one week she was like "Wait, this is not my character...what is up with this?" And she prayed that God would give her a name for it....and God revealed that there was a spirit of distraction, so she encouraged me that as I was dealing with this to ask God for a name of the issue.

So, I thought, cool....but it's probably a spirit of distraction or something like that, and that's not really revelation to me I guess...But nonetheless, I was in worship on Tuesday morning, dealing with my mind just going haywire, so I figured what the heck? I'll ask....

You know how I always know it's God? Besides the fact that I test it and make sure it lines up with the word...? He always answers my question before I'm done asking it... lol.

Brokenheartedness.

My eyes flew open and I stood staring at the screen of lyrics....completely still. And I questioned it. That was definitely not the answer I was expecting...I was most definitely NOT brokenhearted....at least I don't feel like I am....

I decided to go to the prayer room. I skipped lunch, I wasn't very hungry anyways, and just went there to kinda pray about it. Upon walking in the room, I quickly signed in and layed flat on my stomach...and sobbed.

Oh I hate crying. haha. It's ok though. But a question that God had asked me a few weeks before came to my remembrance.....

"Ask me how much your worth...."

That was really hard for me to do. Revelation- My opinion of myself was definitely not Gods.
And he did some hardcore surgery on my heart, in fact, it's been ongoing.

Because he keeps reminding me that HE is love...he's loving...Yes, he's just, mighty, awesome, powerful and all those bad boy words....but he is also gentle with renewed mercies...and finds me delightful. There was a time in my life when I believed that fully, but I was at a place where I believed it with my mind but I didn't believe it with my heart...because I had been wounded.

So lately, he's just been blowing my mind with all of this lovey-doveyness...that may not sound spiritual but it's where I am at...and of all the lyrics that swim through my brain, the one that sticks out is that He is my pursuit......augh....he's amazing.

That was a lot of randomness, but I'm in love....

Lovesick

Oh, how I am lovesick.
Completely and hopelessly lovesick
And not necessarily with anyone in mind.
Because when those thoughts even come up,
They are quelched almost instantaneously
But, ashamedly, I am most definitely lovesick.
Wondering when, where and...if....
Dreaming of how and why...and if onlys...
Then I'm melancholy and sentimental...
Remembering times with grasps at this falling short--
But only because my eyes can't see beyond the imminent.